Over the next few days, I did not leave the hospital...Boy had another blood transfusion, due to low hemoglobin levels...He also had very high (over 30,000) white blood cell counts...Boy did not improve much at all, and I was scared...He signed the papers, and I got medical power of attorney over him, in order to make any tough decisions should they happen and he was unable to...He had some great visits with our Tana during these days...She was able to come up to the hospital almost every day after school and see he and I...Probably the main thing I remember from Tuesday through Saturday, is how much Boy kept telling me he didnt want to die, he wanted to go home, and he wanted to do chemo to give himself more time...
On Friday afternoon, I met with a child counselor at the hospital...They have a program in place, to help families explain to young children about death, and what is happening with their parent...I asked for their help in telling Tana...Friday afternoon I picked Tana up from school, we went and grabbed something to eat, and then went back to the hospital...About 5 minutes before the counselor was going to come get us, for our 'talk', Tana was joking with Papa, and telling him that as soon as he got better, they would go to Sleepy Hollow and go sledding...Ugh....jab a knife in my heart...So the counselor came in and Tana, Jeanne and I went out into the waiting room area with her, to have the talk with Tana...The counselor was wonderful...She helped guide me with my words, and let Tana know it was okay to be sad that her dad was going to die...It feels like we talked for hours, but it was probably much shorter...When we were all done talking, the three of us girls were able to each pick out a special blanket that volunteers had made for the hospital, to let Boy use until he was to die, then it would be ours to keep forever...I went home that night, for the first time in days, and slept with Tana...
About 7:30 Saturday morning, I got a call from the hospital, saying Boy was not doing well at all, and I should get back up to the hospital...He was having a very difficult time breathing, and kept getting anxious and excited, which would make his breathing worse...I asked them to increase his pain meds, and anxiety meds, to calm him down...he did, and finally rested some...A few hours later, we met with the oncologist again...He said the antibiotics were not working, ie, it is the cancer causing Boy so many problems, not pneumonia...He said, in his opinion, Boy will not get well enough to do chemo again...He estimated a matter of hours to a few days, before my Boy would die, and leave us forever...He said he has one more thing he can try...He can give Boy a medication, that will get rid of all of the excess fluids in his body, in hopes that it would help him breathe better, by getting some fluid off of his lungs...I told him to do that...Doc said if this did not work, Boy would not be able to leave the hospital to go home or to Hospice, as he more than likely, would not survive the trip...he advised us to call family members to come say their last goodbyes...This is what we did...And I hoped and prayed, Boy would make it until Sunday, so we could have our 10 year wedding anniversary together...
We called in the pastors of his church, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and his grandmother...Besides her own hospital stay for a fall, his grandmother had not been inside a hospital since his grandpa passed away in 1995...We all figured she would not come...she hated hospitals, and wanted nothing to do with them...And grandma finally came...She looked so afraid, and so out of place, but she came, and she cried...something else i have never seen her do...So everyone took turns coming up to the hospital over the next 24'ish hours, to see Boy...He recognized every single person that came into his room to visit with him...he was able to have a little bit of conversation with everyone...I tried my best, to let him have time with his visitors...I didnt want to intrude, or hear any personal conversations...Every now and then, Boy would get scared, or nervous, and have someone come out and get me...He needed to know I was right there with him...I dont know how many times in a short few days, that I told him "I am right outside the door, it's okay, I'm right here"...
I was sleeping on and off in a chair at boys bedside Saturday late night...At about 12:05 Sunday morning, 1/22/12, Boy woke right up, sat up in bed, woke me up, and told me happy anniversary...It was our 10 year wedding anniversary...I told him happy anniversary too, and got him comfy back in bed, and we fell back asleep for about an hour or so...At roughly 2:00 am, Boy sat up in bed again, wide awake...he was having a VERY hard time breathing...he couldnt muster any words to me, but he pointed to his heart, then to me....I told him that I know he loves me, and that I loved him too...I had went out about 5:00 am to get some coffee...trust me, hospital coffee is NOT all that great, especially after days of it...When I got back about 15-20 minutes later, Boy was upset, and throwing a fit about something...Neither the nurses or his mom could understand what he wanted...I leaned in close, and listened to him tell me what he wanted...he wanted the nurses to get him out of bed, and give him a full shower...He hadnt been out of bed much at all since Tuesday, and had only had bedside sponge baths since he came in...He said, for our anniversary, I need to be clean and smell good for you...my heart was breaking...So the nurses got him out of bed, in a wheel chair and got him into the bathroom and gave him a nice hot, long shower....Then they wheeled him back into bed...He then went to sleep, and rested for awhile....
Again....time for Girl to take a breather.......
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